School

      Yup, school. I started again. *Rolls eyes* I know, I know, how many times have I started now, and how many times have I NOT finished? I did finish 1 though, my medical transcription. This school that I am starting is another trade school type. For those of you who know my mom, and the school she just finished in December, its that same one. For everyone else... a little background.
      I've been fighting depression for a while. I actually don't know how long. In all honesty, I've probably been fighting bits of it since I was pregnant with Jessica, and as she was born and got older (and so more difficult to deal with) it got worse and worse. I did get a lot of the symptoms/manifestations of it taken care of with my essential oils, but I also needed to take care of the root of the issues. I was pretty darn sure that it was at least someone rooted in emotional issues. So, I started getting something called a "Process" The easiest way for me to describe it it similar to hypnotherapy. It accesses your subconscious and goes to an age where a root of a certain issue is. For example, at age 2, I was upset because I couldn't do the things I wanted to (that my older siblings could, such as play the piano, Mom wouldn't give me lessons. LOL) and that my body didn't seem to work the way I wanted it to. I was mad that I had been given a defective body, and I decided that I would prove (to God) that this life would be hard *facepalm*. Those of you that know my past can probably see a few places where that manifested. So we were able to "talk" to that 2 year old and get her to recognize that that point of view wasn't working, and release some of those emotions so that we could release that belief system. After releasing the emotions, you replace them with positive emotions, and give the negative ones to a Higher Power, (for me that is generally God, but you can bring in anyone/anything you want, God, Christ, Goddess, Buddah, Zeus, Universe, whatever)  and they give you a gift in return. (something you learned from it all basically) The processes  have most definitely been helping me. I don't remember the specifics of each one, but I know one, for example, helped me so I wasn't so stressed about getting everything on my to-do list done. I do still keep a list, so I remember what I'd like to do, but I don't worry so much if it doesn't actually get done. Well, my  mom is actually the one that has been helping me with my processes as she went to school all last year. The whole time, as she would tell me information that she was learning, I wanted so badly to go and learn it all too. I didn't necessarily want to facilitate processes (mainly because of the kiddos), but I wanted to learn all the information and be able to help my family. Well, part of the issue was also monetary. That got taken care of through a situation that was just too coincidental. So, I started last Saturday. (2 weeks late, but that isn't TOO much to catch up on)
     I am so excited for all of it, and want to read all of the information as quickly as I possibly can. As I was looking at what I wanted from the course, I decided that I would try to go the whole thing, Clinic in Excellence, which basically just means I get to do more practice.  The most important part for me is the self-improvement part of it, and if that's all I can do, at least I can help myself and my family. Getting my facilitator's certificate would mean that I had completed the 645 hour accredited course, and could then sell my services as a facilitator of "The Process". And heck, I could do a couple a week (maybe 1 or 2 to start) and be able to add a little to my family's income. However, I figure that if I'm going to do it, I may as well go for the top honor, which means I've done an extra 32 hours. I can always decide later that it's too much and I don't want to, but if I start with the lower levels, and then decide later (maybe last quarter or something) that I actually do want to go for Clinic in Excellence, it would be a lot harder to make up the difference. It is a 1 year course, so I will graduate in December. I seriously am so excited about this. Like, getting as excited (or more) as I was over some of my art stuff or my music stuff if that tells you anything.

     This past weekend was a "Weekend Training" and that picture basically sums up my experience. Mom is one of the staff at the school, and so she was there, and at first glance it's just us hugging. But if you notice, I'm sobbing. It was a very emotionally charged weekend. Basically it was learn how, and then give and receive a process. This picture was taken after the demo process (where the teacher processed one of the students). I don't remember exactly what was said or anything, but I remember it  connecting very strongly (at least emotionally) to everything with Daddy and McKay. One of the classmates caught this picture, and I think it shows a very beautiful and tender moment. I saw my process coming from a mile away. We were paired up, and as soon as I met/learned a little about my partner, my body started getting ready to release everything. Before we checked to see what age we'd be going to, I knew what was coming. We were going to, what I could probably safely call, the darkest time in my life; even more than Daddy's passing. Sorry, I know I'm trying to be honest in my blog posts and not hide things (like when I'm depressed) because I don't think it really helps anyone to present a facade of perfection. I just can't write about that time yet, though some (most?) of my readers can probably make a good guess of what I'm talking about. Anyway, as I said I saw it coming a mile away, so I was very emotional the whole weekend, because it was all boiling there just below the surface, waiting to be released. I finally did have my process, and it was LONG but it did get out everything (and more) that I thought it would. It was so freeing to finally be rid of that demon. One thing I will say about it, my "gift" that I received at the end was probably one of the most special times in my life. I was given a white gold, heart-shaped locket. Inside that locket was a key. (the size of a charm, and one of the old-style skeleton keys)  This key opened 2 doors. One to my heart, and one to Heaven. When I opened the door to Heaven, Daddy came out and just held me for a while. It was just so wonderful and beautiful and full of love, I can't even really describe it. So yeah, a very emotionally charged weekend for me, but wonderful as well.

Haircut

     So, on Wednesday I got my hair cut. No one except my mom knew it was happening. Most people hadn't even heard that I'd been thinking about it.  That does not mean it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. I can for sure say that I've been contemplating this since I was pregnant with Jacob. Nathaniel says I talked about it while I was pregnant with Jessica as well.So, I'd been considering it, but I always hated my hair when it was chin length, and between there and about my collar bones. So I was a little nervous to try shorter. Plus I knew that Nathaniel prefers long hair. However, I asked him what he would think if I were to come home one day with my hair chopped, and he said basically that it is my hair, and he knows its been driving me crazy, and if it makes me feel good, then absolutely I should go for it. So I did. I called up my Mom's hair-stylist (who I traded babysitting for haircuts when I was younger) and set up an appointment. My mom came with me, so I've got pictures of the process, and I'll let them tell the story.  (sorry, they were taken with a phone camera, and so may not be as good of pictures... and of course, the window right there doesn't help.)

Here I am with my original hair. Long, straight, and I just brush it and let it dry. Easy, but it does take a bit of time for the brushing and washing. Unfortunately you can't really tell the length in the picture. It hangs about halfway down my back, about to my bra line.

And here Camie and I are, looking through her pictures, trying to find a one that is closest to what I'd had envisioned.

Playing with my hair.

And CHOP!!! So hard to tell in this picture, but that tail we chopped off? 14 inches. Donating to Locks of Love of course.

 

And now lets get it shorter to where I wanted it.

And still shorter.

And its finally short enough, so now lets style it.

My first thought? "I need lipstick" I thought I looked like a boy.

Putting my earrings back in, which definitely helped.

Yeah, earrings, necklace, and lip-gloss definitely help with the looking like a girl bit.  Finished product straight from the hairdresser. 

 

 

 

 

 

        Now came the trying to get used to it part. Oh my goodness! We probably chopped off 18 inches once all was said and done. I'm honestly still struggling with the "this isn't me" aspect. However, part of that was taken care of when I did my hair the next day. In my opinion, hair stylists have a tendency to put too much body in my hair. I don't like my head 3 inches taller than it actually is. ;) Plus, well, realistically, I don't use hair dryers. So all the styling tips she was telling me for using the hair dryer, probably will rarely, if ever, get used. So, after washing my hair and letting it dry, I used the styling wax and hair spray to get this...

There we go! That looks much more my style.

And as I get more practice it's looking better and better. I'm still not entirely sure about it though. It is cute, I will agree with the about 20 comments I got about that today at church. (and in my experience, if they don't think its cute, they don't say anything) I'm just not sure its "me". My mom thinks it is. Nathaniel said it was cute, but I think he still prefers the long hair. I think there are some sections that are still too long for my way of styling, so I may call Camie up and see if we can fix that. Then I'll give it 6 weeks, at which point I'd need another haircut if I want to keep the pixie cut. So at that point we'll see how I feel about it.

Sick, sick, sick.

     Yup, that's how things have been here. We've ALL been sick. Jessica seemed to have it the worst, followed by me. Blech. I'm probably going to get yelled at for this, but much as I hate seeing my kids sick, I think I would rather them than me. Mainly because I can take care of them when they're sick. I can't take care of them very well when I am.

Sleeping at Grandma's. She fell asleep during a movie! This is crazy for her.

Jessica and I are still really fighting it, Jacob and Nathaniel seem to be mostly over it, but man, it is being hard to get rid of that last bit in Jacob (since he can't take much of anything).

Tired boy didn't sleep well during naptimes, so when we got home from Grandma's birthday party, and I set him down first, and then went to put everything else down. When I turned around, he'd zonked.

And NOTHING seems to be working for me. I don't think I have anything that needs a doctor, my colds/coughs all growing up lasted about 3-4 months, so since I'm only at about.. really maybe only just over a week, I'm not too worried about me. Jessica, we took in to the doctor on Thursday, and she is now on antibiotics and getting better. She'd been coughing to the point of throwing up (multiple times in a night), and then being lethargic all day.

And, she crawled under my desk, and promptly fell asleep there too. It was this sleeping that had me so worried. Jessica's norm is to be up and bouncing off the walls from 6am until 7pm when we put her in her room for bed. (though she has a "quiet time" in there for an hour and a half for my sanity) She generally won't even sit through a movie of her choosing, let alone fall asleep during one.

      Other than that, we have a few things. I've started selling some things online. I've been cleaning out my house, de-junking and such, and selling some of the stuff on Ebay, or on a local yard sale page on Facebook. (anything that doesn't sell, I'm taking to D.I)  I also opened up an Etsy shop to try to sell some of my crafts.
     Also, on Tuesday (1 week ago) i gave Jessica a haircut. I'd been planning on just trimming her bangs, but then her hair is so thin and was stringy-looking, that I decided a chop would look way better.

And here's her haircut.  It was my first time giving a haircut all by myself (though second time cutting bangs) and I think it turned out pretty cute if I do say so myself.

      And last, but obviously not least, Jacob has started walking! He now consistently will leave the couch (or whatever else he's been holding onto) and take 5 to 10 steps. Unfortunately, no videos of that. Its way cute though.