Daddy

      Okay, well, I figure I should write this post. You know, not pretend that the last week never happened. But I'm going to try to keep it more to events as opposed to emotions. Those are a little too personal. So, Saturday afternoon, I got a call from my mom. "Daddy's gone."  That phrase, and the memory of Mom's voice when she said it haunt me to this day. She wasn't able to tell me  much, because she hadn't heard much herself. All we knew was that he had been dirt biking with Billy (my younger brother) and he'd collapsed and was gone. Of course we packed everything up as quickly as possible and ran over to Mom's. That wasn't actually terribly quickly because I basically couldn't even breathe let alone move. I spent most of last week in a daze and numb if I wasn't sobbing.
     At Mom's we found out a little bit more. But to find out all the details we had to wait until Bill got home. Dad and Mom had just gotten done with their (3 1/2 mile) walk, and saw Billy putting the dirt bikes in the truck. He got a gleam in his eye (he loved dirt biking with his boys) and asked Mom if she was okay with him going. She told him that she was because he would know best how he was feeling, and if his health was up to it. So they headed up the canyon. Bill said they only got about 3ish miles in before Dad had to stop. He wasn't feeling good, so he told Bill to ride around for a bit while he rested. Bill rode for a half-hour, and then came back. Same thing, Dad not feeling good, tells Bill to ride some more. When Bill came back that time, they decided to try to head back. Bill gave Dad a blessing, and felt good about it, so they started back. They weren't able to get very far before Dad had to stop again. They took a break, but then started out again. They way Bill talked about it, it wasn't more than a minute or 2 later when Dad jumped off his bike, took of his helmet and started throwing up and convulsing, and then collapsed. Poor Bill, with no reception he had to make the decision to either stay with Dad (knowing he would die that way) or trying to go call for help, (leaving his Dad unconscious on the mountain). Obviously, he did go to call for help. He rode back down to the trailhead, where there were at least some people that he was able to send back up to Dad, (so Dad wasn't completely alone when he died) and then he drove to the top of the canyon so he could get cell service and call 911. Then he raced back down to be with Dad. When the EMTs got there he was pronounced dead on the spot.  Unfortunately, because he was already pronounced dead, they couldn't put him in the life-flight helicopter, so it took a few more hours to get him off the mountain. But at least the EMTs were able to give the next group exact GPS coordinates so that they could find him easier. 
     We weren't allowed to see the body until the next day. They felt they needed to do an autopsy, so they took him to the medical examiners, but there wasn't anyone there (by that time it was around 7pm) who would let us in to see. Luckily a doctor that Dad had worked with a few weeks back (maybe a month and a half?) was able to give them enough information that they didn't have to do the autopsy and were able to release his body to the mortuary.  Because we didn't have them do the autopsy, we know he most likely died of heart failure, but I think each of us kids and Mom have a slightly different idea of what exactly happened.
     The entire next week (last week) was  a blur. I spent the vast majority of it either in a daze, or crumpling up sobbing. I literally felt like there was a big, gaping, raw hole inside me. It's still big and gaping, but not as raw anymore. I still just can't believe that he's GONE. Even after the viewing and funeral on Friday and Saturday, it still feels like a bad dream. Mom did give me an 'assignment' for the viewing that was somewhat cathartic, and if nothing else, kept me busy, which was the best way to keep me from being despondent. I was put in charge of creating a slide-show for the viewing. So we gathered up pictures, and I put them in a basic chronological order. All 293 of them. Luckily, I didn't have to scan in very many of them. Most of them were in digital format (scanned in previously, or taken with digital cameras) already. However, I did have to edit quite a few of them. I decided not to narrow down the pictures to make the slide show shorter though. It lasts close to a half hour, but it really does exemplify his life.
    There has been a tremendous outpouring of love from everywhere though. Daddy was an amazing man who touched a lot of people, as was evidenced by the number of people at the viewing and funeral. The funeral was a beautiful service, and then he was interred at the cemetery that is under a half mile from my Mom's house.
     I don't really know what else to say about it, so I guess I'm done now.